Just a few weeks ago a friend of both myself and my husband texted – we were making plans for a visit and this friend wanted to know about a few plans my husband had for said visit. I kindly let our friend know I wasn’t sure and that double checking with him was the best course of action. Now in the past I might have committed to something I found reasonable something I figured my husband wouldn’t object to – but for a few years now I’ve made a commitment and kept it – I don’t speak for my husband! I don’t steamroll his wishes, opinions, or ideas.

This may sound like a really trivial thing but I have found whether it’s a matter of upcoming plans, his opinion (If I don’t know it to be a sure-fire fact) or his intentions – speaking for him shows disrespect for his own voice and leadership in our home. I don’t want to commit to a visit from family when he may end up telling me that he’s had a horrible day at work and needs quiet, I don’t want to agree to a flavor of cake for a congratulatory dinner when he’d really prefer another, and I don’t want to let people know what I think some of his plans are for the future.

I think speaking for others is a habit we fall into, partially out of convenience and partially because we may think we know best. But this act of humility in saying “let me check with him” has proven to me that many times I do not know what his current plans/desires may be. If we model the behavior of consulting our husbands we show a respect we should also receive – that in matters of the home and family input matters.

I urge you dear women to consider next time someone asks if your husband is free to go see the game, or if you’ll be moving soon, or if he likes a certain place for dinner – to just let the other party be it his mother or a friend know that “I have to run it by him” I promise this doesn’t take away your agency and your opinion but rather fosters an environment of trust and empowerment for your husband.

God Bless,

Margaret